The News Is a Joke
----Hate crimes are up 8-percent. The rise comes from all the previously unreported police beatings.
----Free University of Brussels scientists noted that there's seems to be a connection between cockroaches huddling in the dark to do their dirty work and the Bush Administration.
----Fran Thompson, Homeland Security Adviser is stepping down to pursue work in the private sector. She expects to take a break then get back to lying for another major corporation.
----Foreclosures are on a steady increase with no slowdown in sight according to new survey. At this rate, motorists may soon be seeing signs hanging in front of homeless shelters that read: "If you lived here, you would be home now!"
----Beowulf, a movie about a leader who loses credibility over a piece of ass, is rumored to be inspired by the life of Bill Clinton. However, Clinton said: "I didn't have sexual relations with the dragon--unless you mean Hillary."
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